October 23, 2010 || 8:53pm
This is one of those days when I would scream and shout at the top of my lungs because of that moment again. But after that very brave (I guess) decision I made, things have changed. They have changed drastically over 6 months of false hope.
Resistance to that force a while ago was a hard battle. I knew it was wrong and I chose not to test God anymore. I don't want to ask for anything more. What if this was what He planned? What if it was really meant to be this way? I was there in that moment. Standing in front of that gate with a choice to make.
Should I run or should I stay? I'd risk everything I have if I run. If I stay, everything would be completely the same as it was before. Going through that gate was God's test. What have I become in those six months?
Then I thought about everything that I worked so hard for. My reputation, my promise, the life I have now that I only imagined before. But that moment was precious. I could've gone out and did what I think was right but I didn't.
Instead, I just walked away like what I did before. I'll go back to what I'm used to doing but I'm not fighting this hopeless war once more. Time to say goodbye to everything I imagined and expected. It's not easy but I'd rather be safe digging mud in shallow water than to dig trenches in the ocean.
God has better plans. He wrote the story of my life even before I was born. I should just go with His flow and fulfill my mission.
This is one of those days when I would scream and shout at the top of my lungs because of that moment again. But after that very brave (I guess) decision I made, things have changed. They have changed drastically over 6 months of false hope.
Resistance to that force a while ago was a hard battle. I knew it was wrong and I chose not to test God anymore. I don't want to ask for anything more. What if this was what He planned? What if it was really meant to be this way? I was there in that moment. Standing in front of that gate with a choice to make.
Should I run or should I stay? I'd risk everything I have if I run. If I stay, everything would be completely the same as it was before. Going through that gate was God's test. What have I become in those six months?
Then I thought about everything that I worked so hard for. My reputation, my promise, the life I have now that I only imagined before. But that moment was precious. I could've gone out and did what I think was right but I didn't.
Instead, I just walked away like what I did before. I'll go back to what I'm used to doing but I'm not fighting this hopeless war once more. Time to say goodbye to everything I imagined and expected. It's not easy but I'd rather be safe digging mud in shallow water than to dig trenches in the ocean.
God has better plans. He wrote the story of my life even before I was born. I should just go with His flow and fulfill my mission.
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