Selfless

I would like to share this song with you because it's really beautiful.

Who am I?
That the eyes that see my sin
Would look on me with love
And watch me rise again.
Who am I?
That the voice that calmed the sea,
Would call out through the rain,
And calm the storm in me.

This has been inspiring me for two weeks now. It's a really big blessing, because it isn't just a song. It's a prayer in itself. I can't help but shed a few tears after watching the video, and I really feel God in me, telling me that He's always there, that even though I sin so much and I'm always looking for answers, He will never be tired of loving me.

Most of the time, when I give in to temptation, I don't think of Him, for my pleasure at the moment gives me so much fulfillment, that I sometimes even thank God for letting me do it without realizing that I had the wrong reasons.

Wrong reasons, motivations, desires, always drive me to do something against His will. I am a teenager, and I know the pressures of it, but I believe that it's not an excuse to be less devoted to enriching my own life and relationship with Him.

Taking the glory to myself is one thing that this song seems to answer, too. I sometimes give in to that, and deep inside, I pat myself on the back when people affirm me, forgetting that God is the reason why I'm who I am now, that all that He's done was for me, for our salvation.

I have to start accepting that I have no abilities, skills, or qualities that are truly mine. For my self and everything that I am is God's. I am not any better than people who are seen to be committing sin, for God loves all equally, and I should never think that He loves me any more than He does them. No good deed here on Earth that is done for selfish desires is ever acceptable in Heaven. We are flowers quickly fading, waves tossed in the ocean, people whose Earthly presence will be gone in time. We are not here for ourselves. We're here for others, for God. Nothing we are or have is ever ours. 

God's undying mercy causes me to be so emotional, because I've done so much against His will, but He has always been there, especially in times when those misdeeds come back to me. I don't believe in karma much, but I believe that all we are to face would be products of our decisions, and everything else is affected by that. He never fails to amaze me. 

I sometimes ask myself if I can ever love that much. Is it possible for me to forgive people who go against me a lot of times already? Can I be as selfless as to not expect anything in return for what I'm doing for others? 

Many people don't know me. They have this wrong image of who I am. Honestly, inside me, there is this very intense inner battle between good and evil. And even if I try to be as good as possible, evil still comes to me in the form of thoughts or underlying motives. 

The song gives me a clearer image of who I am. I am Christ's. I am His daughter, and it doesn't mean that because he always forgives me, then I am free to sin. It means that in return for His kindness and love, we also try to give kindness and love to others through selfless service and sincere intentions.

And through this long and winding road, I know God is with me, with all of us, as we embark on new journeys every single day. I am Yours, Lord. I am Yours.