Purposeful

Hello there. How have I been in the past (hm let me count) 12 days? Happy, I guess. Much happier than usual. My life has been progressing on a slow but certain pace and I'm glad that I can finally see everything in a new light. 

Hehehe. Wonka Bottle Caps.

I am also currently indulging in the goodness of chocolate, which I owe to my mother's concern over my lack of energy lately, and in the stream of (never-)flowing ideas that I badly need. More on that later.

Yesterday was a beautiful risk-filled, God-trusting day. Hay, should I even start? Olrayt. So I had to deliver my lecture (yes, le almost-gave-up-but-still-held-on-lecture) and it was quite an experience. I wasn't very attached to it though, so the joy remained but I wasn't looking for it right after I did it; wishing I could have done better, assessing how I did, trying to remember each detail - No. None of the sort, thankfully. My, my. I have matured. A lot. I could say that because my approach to things has changed drastically. I didn't hold on to it anymore as something that is in the danger of being lost, but I saw it as something that I'm proud of and will always stay with me. The lecture itself was a milestone, but what I obtained by being part of that experience was the greatest achievement I could take with me. As the time went by, I tried planning again, the worst thing I could ever do to myself. But yes, God's plans prevailed and I didn't get to do what I planned when I was planning to do it. It was, however, a beautiful unfolding of God's promises when it happened later in the afternoon, when you were not expecting, only hoping, trusting, and believing. And it was wonderful. Apart from what actually happened during those two hours, I think the blessing was there in the form of God's Will and how much you can be if only you surrender your cares to Him. Seriously, God's love is greater than any Goliath. Even your inner walls and boundaries are no match to the glory that is to be revealed in His plan for you. And I was able to do it and experience it, not because I'm the greatest planner in the world (might actually be the worst), but because I hoped, trusted, believed, and waited. Patience, patience. 

And today was almost another landslide of conflicting emotions, but because of two months worth of experience and guidance, I was brought out of the dark in God's way - it was a painless, blissful, assuring kind of letting go. It was an amazing avalanche.

And I find myself here on my knees again, caught up in grace like an avalanche. Nothing compares to this love, burning in my heart

Hay, I can't think of anything right now but the greatness of His Lordship. Even the Lectio 2 today said so. He has control over my life, my choices. And even if I try to take over my own life, I will never go through this road with my own hands on the wheel. Let Jesus take the wheel. That was the better alternative. I still struggle with it at times, but I know that God will again and again, prove that there is nothing better than His plans. "God promises that I have a hope and a future. There is something more to this present moment that I am facing right now." Maybe that's what's been keeping me balanced for the past few months. I hope it does for the last three weeks.

Yes, last three weeks of school. Can you believe how fast those ten months went? I could never understand either. That is, yes, my countdown, but I'm not counting down because I fear the end or it's something that I would not want to happen, but because I have a deadline to follow. Deadline for what? See previous posts for further details. Hahaha! But seriously, if there's one more thing that has changed from then and now, it's how I see the end of this school year. It was like death in some way, and I know I could actually justify that but I won't because I don't have time; but because of what has been happening in the past two months, I have been determined to see the end as a mere day (okay, I have preparations, but I believe I have the Lord's blessing for that), but it isn't anymore a death. It's more of a new life, a new beginning.

It's ending, but I know God has planned so much more for my life than after March 14. Hay, we're graduating soon. Lalala, then college. I will only look forward to the last few days of school, do my best for my studies and relationships, and end well. Ending well will come because no matter how this year's finale goes, the encore goes on and on; because the finale as we see it is not at all the Grand Finale. Something more is bound to happen. Loose strings can still be tied and the cocoon is still on its way to breaking open and freeing that beauty. It doesn't end here. No, it doesn't.

As for my beloved club, I have learned to let go of my rather liberal view on it and try to enjoy and love what it can give me. I know we're striving. That's why it looks like it's falling apart. But the essence of it all still lies within all of us - the members. The current system does not matter if we are willing to change it by not complaining and just trying to do what we can for it. Nothing of what other people say about our club can change the talent and the craziness that we are as one thespian family. To tell you an update, I was also so inspired so I'm planning to write a script over the summer so we can do an original play for next year (our graduating year), and I think I could not let this opportunity pass. If we can leave a great legacy, then why don't we? Next year is going to be our year. It's revolutionizing in a less cynical, more hopeful way. We're forming one great play because we can do it. No more procrastination; just lots of dedication and love.

Lenten Season's here, too. I'm not planning any kind of hardcore fasting in terms of food or pleasures. It's more of a sacrifice, a surrender to me. It's completely entrusting my life to my Savior and Redeemer and basking in His glory while striving to know and follow Him. It's sacrificing my Will and having His in exchange. Hay, I hope I really do. 40 days of love these will be. And, I'm giving a reflection on Friday about Lent and fasting. It's more than abstinence. It really is.

SO I GUESS THAT IS ALL. I am currently on the verge of laughing at myself for promising that I would only blog a few lines. Looks like I have so much to say. Woo. Next up, my journal artworks that I am so proud of. For now, I shall answer my SME Journal and try to write a few lines for my deadline. Until next time! Adios. ;)

P.S. This was posted a day after I was planning to because of internet cut-off times and such.