Musings

Sometimes I walk alone at night
When everybody else is sleeping
I think of him and then I'm happy
With the company I'm keeping
The city goes to bed
And I can live inside my head
(On My Own) Les Miserables

As much as I would want to write something here that would be so meaningful and eventful in terms of what's happening my life, these past few days have been giving me a really big edge in understanding myself, and for that, I'm content.

There was never a dull moment for me during the Intrams, because my mind never fails to give me a companion. I told someone about the weird thing that happens inside me - I can actually make up a conversation with myself inside my head. Combined with my imagined scenes with many others, in normal terms, I am insane.

But if this was insanity, then I'd probably choose to live with it, because I believe that being given this way of thinking is both a blessing and a curse, and that, I think, is the biggest conflict of my plot. Even though I don't really know where it all began, I think this is my greatest ability - and liability. But it's what leads me to the greatest - and worst - moments in my life.

Everything depends on perspective - how I thought ever since that Year II English discussion that will forever be etched in my brain. That has been proven quite a lot of times already. When I try to shift perspective, there comes a significant change in what I feel and in what I believe is true. However, I do believe that perspective is one thing, and mindset is another.

A mindset is not easily shifted. It is something, even though you are faced with different situations and people, that does not easily change in your head. It's something that you keep, even when your perspective changes, because as the term suggests, it's a set state of mind. A perspective can be easily influenced by others, but a mindset is something that you absolutely build by yourself, and you apply it to your life by yourself. The fact that it influences how you react to situations and people makes its being hardly corrigible both an advantage and a disadvantage - something that I would want to fully explore had my brain not been put to use for most of the day already.

No regrets, though. The way I thought today, with someone really special, is how I would like to think for the rest of my life. How the way my mind thinks depends again or perspective and mindset, which changes, I don't really know as of now.

Now, if this doesn't make sense, forgive my babbles because if this was transferred to another person via one more heart-to-heart conversation, I believe I would be thought of as either insane, easily swayed, ambiguous, or just plain confused.

Better have it here than in someone else's head because it might cause another surge of regrets that I might not get over with even after this Sabbatical ends. Again, thank you for containing another set of my thoughts without complaint. Thank you for not being a person.

All right, I think my mind is just a cloud that has lots of ideas waiting to be transferred to something else. *Looking back at what I wrote in this post, I don't really know what I'm pointing at, and the transition is just so bad, but it's how my mind is right now, so please do forgive me.

Adios. I hope I can blog more during my Sabbatical.