Childlike

 (Luke 10:21-24)

Well, as you might have read in my previous blog post, I went through something that tested my own character and my faith. And God makes a way to lead us back to His right path. It was just the perfect moment that I was given His Word. It was such a simple sign from Him that at first, I did not understand, but soon enough, everything seems clearer once what He was trying to say reached me.

I was going through a really tough time, and as I was looking for something to preoccupy myself with to prevent me from crying at that moment, my eyes met the Bible. It was placed on its usual bamboo pedestal, but I never noticed it before. And as I tried to flip the pages, I was stopped when something just told me to read what was written. And I knew that God was with me at that moment. I told Him that I needed Him, and all that I heard from Him was "read." And so I read it. At first, I thought that I was reading the wrong thing, because it didn't hit me that hard. So I tried to look for another Gospel, but I was led to the same page again. I read it again and again, hoping to find something that might help me.

After a few minutes, we went down, and I just started crying in front of my busmate. I was saying "sorry, sorry..." because I feel like it's wrong to show her I'm crying, but it's more like saying sorry to my ego for letting my stronghold crumble down in front of someone who I really don't know. I let myself become paralyzed by my emotions, and I was crying all the way home, and even my mom noticed, so I just told her the contacts story so she wouldn't suspect a thing.

As I was writing the previous blog post, I was crying so hard that I can't even stop myself. I was already in the "Second Blow" when a line from the Word suddenly came to mind. 

I give you praise, Father, Lord of heaven and earth, for although you have hidden these things from the wise and the learned you have revealed them to the childlike.

I was very curious about what God was actually trying to tell me so I googled a little and so I found a few reflections that made me see the light (also, it turns out that it's part of tomorrow's Gospel) - this and this. 

During the whole two weeks, I was not open to His help. I knew that I had to do something to make it successful. Not once did it occur during those weeks to me that I would fully surrender myself to Him, because I had this mindset that I didn't need anyone else. Miss and I could make this work. And we did make it work. 

But after everything, I realized I was empty. I was struggling to find something to hold on to from that experience because there was not a moment between me and my God. There was not a moment of trust, wherein I give in to His Will and tell myself that it's going to be okay because He's there. I thought that I had what I needed. But I needed Him, and He was with me throughout the journey, even if I kept telling myself that everything's just going great with me in control

I always told myself to offer that to Him, but then I started to ask myself something. If I refused to let Him in at those moments when I was down or up, is this still something worth offering, knowing that inside me, I always thought that all I needed was what I currently have. Is it something that I could actually be proud of? 

Our abilities are nothing. What we know is nothing. All of our skills are not the bases for God's love. I realized that being self-righteous leads me to think that I am higher, greater than some people because I do this and that, so God should love me more. It makes you expect something better than what others get because you tend to think that because you do more, you deserve more. 

The reading tells us that to be able to accept God and His salvation fully, we need to let go and let Him take over. We need to be like children, who give their full trust in everything, who are humble enough to give up when they really can't carry the burden alone. We should accept that we do not actually know anything, that we are innocent and powerless compared to God. He is calling us to surrender - to let Him catch us as we fall, to let Him in our lives, to allow Him to teach us what we don't know, and to admit that we are nothing without Him.

As I finally say good night after a full night of blogging, let me leave you with the video above. First, look at the illustrations and feel God's undying love. Then, listen and sing along to the song. It's very much connected to what I just realized, and it really lifted me up from my depressed state. God really is amazing. 

And now, as I embark on a brand new challenge, this reading shall serve as my guide in reminding me every time I feel so high, that there is a God who is even much higher than the tallest tower that we can only see the tip of. Be childlike. God is calling you to surrender.