Do you ever get that feeling when you want to make time slow down or stop because you just want to stay in that moment forever? Well, I've been getting that a lot these past few months.
As you know, I've always been someone who thinks about the future so enthusiastically that I even have mental images of my dream house, family, and other dreams that I wish to fulfill. I always told myself that anything that I'm going through will get better in the future.
However, I believe I'm already through that stage...for now. You see, when I realized that next week (supposedly), we're having our Quarter Tests, I was just so shocked. And I mean really shocked. We're halfway through the year and I didn't even notice it. Whoa. I just can't believe that everything just happened right in front of me for four months and the weirdest thing is I can't remember most of it. I remember the good and the bad times, but the things in between seldom stuck on to my mind, and that's weird because I'm commonly a watchdog.
Well, this sudden surprise did bring such an interesting revelation about me. I don't want this school year to end. It's not perfect, but it's just so life-changing in ways I cannot even enumerate. I don't think I'm fully contented with what I have done during those months, and I believe that's the reason why I don't want to leave this school year just yet - because there are so many goals that I feel like I have to achieve before I can truly accept the speed of time.
It's not only the goals, though. I wish it were that simple. That way, I wouldn't be writing about it here. The thing is there is a difference between this and the other school years. I don't regret anything I've said or done during this school year. Now that may really sound odd for a perfectionist and someone who is just so afraid of failure. And even I am surprised of how I've been thinking. This school year is that revolutionary - that even persons with closed off minds and narrow perspectives are led, not forced, to change those views and become someone different than what they were before. I used to be this "why did I do that", "I could have done this"-kind of person, but now, I believe that we, and God, have reasons for everything that is happening. If you did anything wrong, face its consequences and continue to live, because sulking over it won't even change the situation. It might even make it worse. Of course, I won't be a hypocrite and say that I don't fall into that trap of regrets, but I believe the tendency is much less.
In some way, the fact that the school year's nearing an end is making me sad. It's because I feel like I haven't done enough. <- There's a regret. Well, I've realized though, that what I was able to do was a product of my own choices, so there shouldn't be any regret because nothing really can be changed by all the sadness and the rants about how fast time flies.
Resolve: Make the most out of the remaining months. After all, I can't really change anything that has happened. I can only make it better or worse, but what I would want to achieve this school year is not really achieving my goals or being prepared for the future. It's knowing that somehow, despite all the drama and the difficulties brought about by this Junior Year, I come out as a better and a stronger person, ready to face everything ahead of me.
As you know, I've always been someone who thinks about the future so enthusiastically that I even have mental images of my dream house, family, and other dreams that I wish to fulfill. I always told myself that anything that I'm going through will get better in the future.
However, I believe I'm already through that stage...for now. You see, when I realized that next week (supposedly), we're having our Quarter Tests, I was just so shocked. And I mean really shocked. We're halfway through the year and I didn't even notice it. Whoa. I just can't believe that everything just happened right in front of me for four months and the weirdest thing is I can't remember most of it. I remember the good and the bad times, but the things in between seldom stuck on to my mind, and that's weird because I'm commonly a watchdog.
Well, this sudden surprise did bring such an interesting revelation about me. I don't want this school year to end. It's not perfect, but it's just so life-changing in ways I cannot even enumerate. I don't think I'm fully contented with what I have done during those months, and I believe that's the reason why I don't want to leave this school year just yet - because there are so many goals that I feel like I have to achieve before I can truly accept the speed of time.
It's not only the goals, though. I wish it were that simple. That way, I wouldn't be writing about it here. The thing is there is a difference between this and the other school years. I don't regret anything I've said or done during this school year. Now that may really sound odd for a perfectionist and someone who is just so afraid of failure. And even I am surprised of how I've been thinking. This school year is that revolutionary - that even persons with closed off minds and narrow perspectives are led, not forced, to change those views and become someone different than what they were before. I used to be this "why did I do that", "I could have done this"-kind of person, but now, I believe that we, and God, have reasons for everything that is happening. If you did anything wrong, face its consequences and continue to live, because sulking over it won't even change the situation. It might even make it worse. Of course, I won't be a hypocrite and say that I don't fall into that trap of regrets, but I believe the tendency is much less.
In some way, the fact that the school year's nearing an end is making me sad. It's because I feel like I haven't done enough. <- There's a regret. Well, I've realized though, that what I was able to do was a product of my own choices, so there shouldn't be any regret because nothing really can be changed by all the sadness and the rants about how fast time flies.
Resolve: Make the most out of the remaining months. After all, I can't really change anything that has happened. I can only make it better or worse, but what I would want to achieve this school year is not really achieving my goals or being prepared for the future. It's knowing that somehow, despite all the drama and the difficulties brought about by this Junior Year, I come out as a better and a stronger person, ready to face everything ahead of me.
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