Oratorical: Part 2

I will post my essay here one day so you would know about my afternoon experience. But let's jump to my evening experience or should we say the writing process. Okay, to tell you the truth, it was hard. At the same time though, it's been one of the most pleasurable projects I've been engaged in. It was the same feeling when I wrote that article for World History, which, by the way, I will post here sometime too. So, let's start. Essay. Essay. I had to consult every website there is to find out how to write one. But nothing. It took me time to realize that I could not write a good essay. Not today. Never. I always knew that essays were never my favorite part of school projects. They just give that restrictive feel to me that I'm not very good at conforming with the said rules of essay-writing. I stared at the laptop screen and knew I was going nowhere. Five. Ten. Fifteen long minutes. And then it came to me: Those people I was with earlier, it's not me vs. them. This whole time, it's always been me vs. me. And I knew that to be able to pass something, I have to conquer my own inhibitions. So I asked for His help, and I think it just came so easy to defeat the negatives, especially with Him on my side. I just let go of all the anxiety and broke away from the form and structure of essays. I knew that if I followed it, I would not be able to submit anything quality, or nothing even, maybe. So I just tried to write the way I've always known - the casual persuasive, motivational, blog-style writing that I'm quite familiar with. And the writer in me was freed once again. I was typing, and typing as if I were only talking. There was no outline. I didn't follow any structure. But this was going where I wanted it to go. The competition meant nothing at this point, because it was only God, me, and the gift that He has given me. Every word came on naturally, because I was not trying to be someone I'm not. There are no rules. And at one point, I just didn't care about what Miss would say. I gave my best. And I wouldn't say it was effortless, but I can say that every bit of resource was put to use wisely. I knew I had to be real, because God has given me a personality that is, no matter how boring, unique; and is worthy of being shared with the world.

When I was finished, I made a few modifications, cut-paste here, proofread there. And after an hour and a half of writing. I finally had in front of me the product of my hard work. I read it. Again. and again. And I realized that what I am reading is not my work. It's God's message to the youth, spoken through me. And just as I was beginning to be proud of it, I started to realize that I shouldn't be. It's not mine. Every word there, I could not have typed if not for Him. And from then on, there was a promise. That every single step of my writing journey, I should take Him with me. I was wordless without His help, and I knew that greater challenges are to come and there's no better way to face them than with Him. This is it, I thought. I had to email it to her. She has to comment on it. I was suddenly nervous, because it was not in any way, an essay. It was an article. More like a blog post. I already typed the words "I hope you understand that I did not write an essay..." but I erased it because it just doesn't sound right. Let her find out by herself, I told myself instead. I took one last look at it and hit the Send button. I went to sleep that night, thinking that, if ever I don't get picked, which was 99% likely because of my not-an-essay rebellion, I would want to hear what she has to say about it. I mean, she's one of those people who I would want to have as a mentor. Wise person, I tell you. And having her comment on my work, whatever she would say (mediocre & horrible came to mind), would be one of the milestones of my life as a writer. I waited and waited. I already prepared my speech regarding my desire to know what she has to say, but sadly, she was absent the next day.